I Want To Be Anywhere But Here
by Turtle Jones

The weather turned colder than a witch's tit this week. I really have no idea how cold a witch's tit gets (and I'm not about to ask Pat such a personal question), but it's like 800 below zero out there right now.

Ok, maybe it's 20 degrees. But after having global-warming type temps this month, 20 degrees suddenly seems like Mr. Cold Miser just farted winter all over us. Which makes us want to be somewhere else.

Which makes this week's Group LNT question: If you could visit anywhere in the entire world expense free, where would you go?

beach123.htmTurtle gets on the move first:

I would like to go to the Galapagos Islands. Visit all the birds. Throw rocks at all the people. Wear a shirt saying "Darwin was wrong" and scatch my pubic hair a lot. I think it would be a great place to start my own health spa. Maybe a mud spa. "Darwin's Day Spa." All the girls that worked there would wear bird outfits and shit on your back a lot.

[turtle is reminded of the difference between inside thoughts and outside thoughts]

The first thing that comes to mind is Pamplona, Spain. I don't know why, but people always say go with what you think up first. Just like on some SAT test cept I'm not drunk this time. So Spain. And fuck the rebels and shit cause if I am going expense free, I'll pack a few guns with me. Hell, if I play my cards right I could become the new King of the Nuevo Revolution. King Turtle.

I would have to update some things if I were the King, though.

I don't think the running of the bulls has enough trap doors.

Baby Huey:

Sweden. It'd be my metal Mecca. I'd go to all the clubs in Gothenburg and take the pilgrimage of the true metal head. I'd see where bands like At the Gates, In Flames, Dark Tranquillity, The Haunted, Nightrage, and others got their starts. And all the girls there would wear bird outfits and shit on my back a lot.


Everyone (well a lot of people) have in their mind a List of Things To Do Before I Die.

Mine is see the Northern Lights.

Sure, I could go to Michigan and get a glimpse of them. I could go to some one horse town in Canada and see them. I could go to Alaska, too.

But I want to see them in Norway. That kills two things off my List of Things To Do Before I Die in one shot.

1. See the Northern Lights
2. Slay Captain Sabertooth

I like to multi task.


I guess I would have to say Australia. It seems like such a cool place with lots of interesting and fun things to do. Lots of awesome beaches to hang out and relax on. I wish I was on vacation.


Ireland. I'm ethnic Celtic, besides being a Celtic pagan, and would dearly love to visit Ireland (and Wales & Scotland, but you said "one place"!). I want to crawl inside the sacred mound outside Dublin, visit Tara, and walk the wild places... to nourish my soul and delight my eyes.


I've been sent expense-free to many places, but the people there were usually in a race to see who could kill more of the other in the shortest period of time. If the weren't killing each other, they were starving some ethnic minority or seizing control of a government
through a regularly scheduled coup.

So, if I could go anywhere expense free, it would have to be someplace where there's peace, quiet, and friendly people who won't try to shoot you or blow you up when you're not looking. It would have to be Norway.


I'd go and spend a month at the North Pole Environmental Observatory or at the South Pole Station in the Antarctic. Yeah, cold and all, but its the last place in the world I'd pay to go, and yet, I still want to. Its be interesting, thats for sure.


New Zealand. There's no other place on Earth that has so many different climates going on in so small a place (relatively). I'd really like to see some of the landscapes we see from films shot there and I'd like to see their icebergs. Awesome stuff.


It's hard passing up Australia and New Zealand, but lately I've been dying to go to Ireland. I would just love to explore the countryside, explore the pubs, explore the people. Wait, that sounded a bit wrong. But not necessarily untrue.

A trip through the Irish country and its pubs, an exploration of its history, plus lots of great conversation with strangers. Sounds like a fantastic time to me.


I'd love to go back to Japan. I've been studying Japanese culture and language since my freshman year in high school, and after I graduated high school my best friend and I took of for a trip across Tokyo, Kyoto and the Mt. Fuji area.

It was amazing, but to be able to spend like a madman and really see all the best nightlife, resteraunts and theatres? Man, that would be a dream.



I don't think I need to say anything else.

They test those hookers, right?


A few years back I managed to come across "Heaven for overwight white women". Its on this wonderful little island of Nassua, Bahamas. I spent 6 nights and 5 days there and in that time I was followed, pursued and wooed by ELEVEN (11) different, gorgeous men that happened to live in the island. One even asked if I would be his wife.

I would love to go back there some day with a bunch of my female, overweight friends who feel bad about themselves. I went there and when I left I felt like a goddess to men. (AND NO, I didn't get lucky. I chose not to after I learned that the Bahamas has the highest number of cases of AIDS per capita because of the same size of the island and the large amount of people., but I was offered. ;)


I would go to Australia, I have always wanted to pet a Koala Bear. Why? I have no idea. Plus the men would be cute!moher.jpg


They say Mother earthis greening
With each wave that finds her shore
Her soul rises in the evening
So to open twilight's door

Her eyes are the stars in heaven
Watching 'or us all the while
And her heart, it is in Ireland
Deep within the Emerald Isle
(Ireland - Garth Brookes)

I went there in 2003 on a tour,and my heart has been cryong out for me to return and explore on my own ever since. Someday I will.

So that is where we want to go.

Expense free of course. And first class. We don't fly coach.

We know it is cold where you are at. Hopefully you have an idea of where you want to get away from it all. Expense free. Somewhere that has tasty buds and cool waves?

Tell us.


[Japan] was amazing, but to be able to spend like a madman and really see all the best nightlife, resteraunts and theatres? Man, that would be a dream.

I lived there for a few years. Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be and the novelty would wear off fast.

Imagine a place without a fire code about the size of your bedroom. Now imagine 80 people in there.

That's a typical nightclub in Roppongi.


I've wanted to see New Zealand ever since I read Heinlein's "Friday."


I already said my first one was a joke. why did it have to be posted?


I want to go to Belgium and met darill


[Japan] was amazing, but to be able to spend like a madman and really see all the best nightlife, resteraunts and theatres? Man, that would be a dream.

I lived there for a few years. Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be and the novelty would wear off fast.

I lived in Okinawa for three years. I think, if you're there for the clubs and the nightlife, it gets old very fast. If you're there for the history and the culture, you could spend a lifetime learning and getting to know the place.


I have been to japan myself Had a great time but the cuisine wasn't really fun all the time...


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