I Can't Drive 55
by Turtle Jones

It's that time! Group LNT! First, I want to say welcome to the new writers. From what I have seen of your work,200px-Judas_Priest.jpg it looks like you have found a home on FTTW. And welcome. If I didn't say that. Cause sometimes I forget. I blame hard drug abuse and Judas Priest for my memory loss.

Because it is just too easy to do it. In fact, I want everyone to go around today and just tell one person that "it is all Judas Priest's fault." Just walk up to them and look them straight in the eye. Say it. Then walk away.

We at FTTW try everyday to make everyone's life a little bit more surreal.


Back to the group LNT.

This week is about driving songs. That one song that is the soundtrack to the engine that purrs in the parking lot. The song that plays when you are driving, cruising, racing or hitting small, defenseless orphans.

The song that is "the" song that plays when you push the accelerator or lower the hydraulics.

Crush the fucker and light the cigarette cause this is the soundtrack to driving fast.

So what's your driving song?

Turtle hits the gas first:

Hellacopters - Fire! Fire! Fire!

Well it is no secret that when the Hellacopters first came out, the songs were all somehow related to me. I don't know how a band from Sweden had my number so well. Every song was about booze, buicks, broads and buckley. I mean shit man, they just didn't fuck around when it came to what they liked. But this one was really it. Screw you. Screw your job. Give me a six pack and a fast car and pretty much all the rest is a blur of details. I don't care who I fucked last night as long as someone left a beer in the fridge for me.

Time's right now, I wanna get some kicks
Booze, tough chicks and spaghetti flicks
Oh yeah!!!

What the hell is not love about this? Toss it in your deck and watch the sun go by.

Oh yeah!


Master Of Puppets. Amen.


you think i ain't worth a dollar, but i feel like a millionaire - queens of the motherfuckin stone age

pretty much the soundtrack to everything

along the lines of the Judas Priest thing, i like to look people in the eye and say "i'm not scared of you anymore."


White Zombie - Black Sunshine

When I hear this song while I am on a road trip I am prone to drive very fast and wreckless. I picture myself in some sort of b-rated 70's slasher flick with the cops hot on my tail and a body in my trunk. I make no allusions...the wiring in my head is all sorts of fucked up.


fastmusic.jpgPantera--Cemetary Gates

I'm one of those people that used to make fun of the guys in middle school who wore Pantera t-shirts. It's like they were trying so hard to be hard core. I always thought it was pathetic. Which was stupid because I didn't know anything about Pantera. In fact, I didn't listen to them at all until I was 16, when my buddy bought a CD with Cemetary Gates on it. This song has a very interesting effect on driving. The first minute is slow, even melodic. Nice guitar arpeggios, and then BAM, the hard core shit starts. As you listen, you'll notice your foot slowly becoming heavy on the accelerator. Before you know it, you're going eighty miles an hour on the street in front of the private school hoping to run down Catholics with your Death Machine. Great song for driving.


Since I drive a motorcycle about 75% of the time, I generally make a habit of keeping my iPod going with the earbuds snaked up under my helmet. As such, when I'm really in the mood to drive, I always go to my list and select the same song to get started: Bullet In Your Head by Rage Against The Machine.

You know that feeling you get when you're certain that everyone on the street is looking at you and thinking that you're a badass? That's how I feel when I ride with that song.

And of course, I love singing inside my helmet at full volume (no one on Earth can hear you inside a helmet on the freeway), especially to RATM's Killing In The Name. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!"

I'm so angsty.


Mike Ness - I'm In Love With My Car - Well first off, it's a song with a great guitar riff that's all about driving a car, a '54 chopped Chevrolet, and driving it really fast and getting chased by cops, because this man is dangerous, and we've lost him...


I got a speeding ticket listening to the Deftones "7 words" (50 in a 25 zone). Shortly after, on the same day, I got another ticket for blowing through a stop sign while "Engine #9" was on. Well, that whole weekend was a wash anyway, and i ended up in jail for "obstructing the investigation of a police officer". My bro and I put down 200 beers, and 4 pints of cheap bourbon over about four days.

But yeah, the Deftones make me put the pedal to the metal. And get caught at it apparently. Can't hep it.


My driving is song is White Zombie, Thunderkiss 65.

I dare you to put this song on and not feel obligated to press down hard as hell on that accelerator, open the windows, turn it up to 11 and drive like the cops are chasing you.


blood. will. fol. low. blood.
dy. ing. time. is. here.
damage incorporated


(do i really need to say any more?)


Damn it! Michele took mine! That's what I get for not checking my email every, well, hour =)

I'll go with my second choice... Otherwise known as my ANGRY driving album...

Rollins Band - Weight, especially "Fool".

I got my first speeding ticket to that song.


"If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago. If you've ever seen Three Kings,
you'd know why.


police-chase-ch.gif"Space Truckin'" Deep Purple. When I was in high school one guy named Mike (there were actually so many of them that they went by their last names) had a blue Chevy van with a couple of carpeted benches and so forth, the, I mean THE PARTY VAN. Space Truckin' was qued up to begin a lot of mischievous adventures. I never drove the van, I used to jam on the freeway to Red Barchetta, give the chance.

The Pirate:

At the risk of being mainstream, I'll have to go with Ozzy - Revelation Mother Earth/Steal Away. My kids tighten their seatbelts when that comes on in my truck. Polka-dots aside, something about the way Randy Rhodes plays guitar makes me drive into the woods and run shit over at high speeds.

...On the other side of the coin, give me a summer day in the country, driving my pick up with the windows down and the Allman Brothers, Jessica playing and I'm at peace with the world.


"Clash City Rockers" by, uh, you know, The Clash. If it's in the CD player then everyone's safe because I'm prepared for the adrenaline to hit. If it pops out of the radio then it's danger time.


Jesus Built My Hotrod . It's a love affair. Mainly Jesus, and my hotrod.

*Sigh* Back when Ministry rocked.

Baby Huey brings up the rear:

First of all, bite me Cullen. Ministry is good again. Just sayin. Second of all, my song is Lamb of God's "Now You've Got Something to Die For." It's got their trademark guitar sound. No other band at all sounds like them. That, and when I put that song on, and the chorus comes around, the look on any passengers' faces is usually priceless.

That's what we all drive to when we want to push the pedal to the metal. What about you?

The writers of FTTW do not condone driving over the speed limit. However, if you do get pulled over, we suggest blaming Judas Priest.



First one is Radar Love. I don't care what anyone else says, that song makes me want to do 70 in a school zone.

The other one is All My Life by the Foo Fighters. This song makes my gas pedal hit the floor every time.


another one is the offspring "deny" song. or something like that

i know it is the offspring but it kinda grinds along

i give it a 9.5 out of 10 as far as driving songs


The song I drive fastest to is "Running With the Devil". I was driving down 1A in Rye, NH once to that song when the guy in the passenger seat said he had wrecked his bike going around that turn at 70, I looked down and saw I was doing 73.


Reluctantly crouched at the starting line. Engines pumping and thumping in time. The green light flashes, the flags goes up. Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup.

I'm going the distance.


Running Down a Dream - Tom Petty


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